The pain being without you is nothing compared to the temporary pain we go through when we are together. =(


I miss you...always.

My One and Only.

"I meant what I said when I gave you that promise ring, that Ima love you forever. I fall for you deeper everyday."


And I still do 'til this day. And I wish I could tell you everything that I want to tell you =(

Cause I'm waiting to be with you again and start all over

I know your letting go....And I'm trying to be okay with it =(

'Cause I still find myself running back to you....And you still got that pull on me. ='(

"I know I gotta move on, but I'm so addicted to you...."

Forever Ain't Enough - J. Holiday ='(

'Cause it feels like I lost the one thing in my life that always made me happy =()

Don't really know how I'm gonna handle how everything is now.....=(

BECAUSE I GET THE FEELING THAT YOUR GONNA WALK OUT ON ME ONE DAY...

"The ones who smile like nothing's wrong are the ones fighting a battle you know nothing about."

“The worst feeling isn’t being lonely; it’s when someone makes you feel special then suddenly leaves you hanging.

"You can't see that I'm hurting. You don't even notice the pain. It feels like everyone else is sitting in the sunshine, while I'm drowning in the rain."

Your scaring me again...

not the kind of guy i want or wanted...

Sorry I didn't tell you what I wanted to eat
Sorry I pushed you away on the couch
Sorry you acted that way
Sorry I walked out
Sorry you shut the door behind me
Sorry you didn't come after me


All my fuckin fault

So I don't know what's going on anymore:( It's about to be a year now since our first breakup and I feel like it's gonna take the same turn again=/ I don't know how you feel about me anymore and I wish you would tell me. I feel it's harder for us to get things out now. I'm letting my guard up again. Yesterday I saw the same person I seen a year ago when we broke up. Like always, I want to make it work but I want to feel how I used to feel with you where I get feelings that I never felt before, where I would get butterflies, where I would get that tingly feeling when you kiss me or hold my hand. I don't know where all that went. You don't show emotion to me anymore. You don't cry like you used to anymore, you don't care like you used to anymore. Your not open to me like you were. I'm trying my hardest to stay strong for you and to stick with you. I'm giving you all that I got and that's what I've been giving. I don't know if that's not enough for you. I know what I want but I don't know what you want anymore because I don't see or feel it.

Tool Academy makes me feel like an idiot just like those other girls -_-




FML.

he doesn't love you anymore tracy...

Cause I have that feeling that I'm gonna get hurt again...

For the first time ever, I actually didn't want to make my wish at 11:11.

No matter who you love I'm still loving you.
No matter where you sleep I still dream of you.
If I ever find someone whose heart is true,
it would never be the same as loving you.


='(

Never woke up feeling so alone before. And I still can't fathom what your brother told me. I can't hesitate to say that my heart and feelings are all twisted and tied up again.


Why do I feel like my heart's not in it anymore but yet I'm still so afraid of losing you.

<3

I love you so much.

When finally I thought everything will be okay, everything falls apart :(

Feels like my hearts breaking all over again.

him: What woke you up?
me: bad dream -_-
him: Ohhhh wow
him: I'm watching degressi

Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. Thanks for the concern & comfort:(

FML FML FML.
I really hate the fact I'm not your "first". And it sucks knowing it....

FML.

FML. One of the worst days I've ever had.


The truth is we hide so we can be found
we walk away to see who will follow
we let our hearts be broken to see who will come and fix it.

Cause I'm getting more scared everyday of losing you and so many things are bothering me.

I'm beginning to think I'm not good enough for you appearance-wise. And again with the insecurity.

Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you.


I'm fuckin sick and tired of this fuckin feeling.

Another day.

I always get that "I want you to break up with me..." feeling

I feel like everythings perfect when I'm with you and nothing goes right when I'm without you. =(

Daily Confession:

I just want a guy who will make me feel like I'm the only woman in his life



"A man's only as good as his word...."

Goodnight.

I don't know what's going on with everything. I don't even know how to express myself to you anymore. The same feeling keeps coming back and I'm tired of telling you when it does. You get mad at me and I say nothing because I'd rather look and feel stupid than to hear you comfort me in my insecurity.

LOVE IS A BEAUTIFUL STRUGGLE.
You got something about you, being with you is all I wanna do.

- st030207<3

030207?

Here we go again..='( Hopefully again we figure out what's right for us. I think my heart needs time to calm down and get away from everything that has already happened. I feel like a big burden had just lifted off my shoulders. But I'm glad we can still talk just as friends but still have that special thing for each other. We'll see how everything goes. Remember that I'm always here for you. I love you I love you I love you I love you! times infinity. SEF<3

Eghhh....

WOW. My heart is beating fast. I hella just remembered something I didn't want to remember. And you don't know that I know. When I look back into it, I see how completely stupid I was to not speak up and confront you about it. And if I do, I know damn well you got no excuses for it either. All I'm gonna hear are your sorry's that I'm so used to hearing now. This is just another addition to my insecurities. And you wonder why I don't trust you..All I can say is wow. I can't take remembering all this shit, remembering the person you supposedly "were".

"I always find myself reminiscing of the memories I never wanted to look back on." - Tpm

idk...

I'm scared again..

Past the limit.

I'm so fuckin tired and sick of you. I'm tired of you degrading and judging me like I'm not shit to you. You always say things that hella hurt me and you don't even realize it. You see one picture of me with a guy and you tell me that I'm not gonna have a future, that I'm ruining my life. ONE picture! You've put me down my whole life and I'm sick of it. Finally when I try my hardest in school to meet up to your expectations, you never acknowledge or praise it. Nothing I do is ever good enough for you. When I graduate highschool, I don't want to see you again. When I graduate college, I don't want you to be there. When I get married, I don't want you to be there. When I have children of my own, for damn sure I don't want you to be their grandmother. You don't deserve ANY of that. I know it's not gonna happen but I wish once my brother graduates highschool, he moves out on his own. I wish my dad would divorce you and move out on his own, find and marry a woman who will treat him how he should be treated. Something YOU failed to do. You've put all of us through so much shit you don't even know. I don't really give a fuck about you anymore. I don't even consider you as my mother. I hope karma bites you in the ass. I'm hella done with you and I can't wait for what is about to lay ahead of me in a couple more months. I can't wait till the perfect time to say all of this to you face to face. You've push me to the limit where I can't deal with you no more. I hope you find someone who will bare with you and your ridiculous mindset. I can't wait till that final goodbye I'll have with you.

022009

These are the kinds of days that I like.

And again with the insecurities....it hella hella gets me and I'm sorry I have to say it here and not to you.

I've noticed every single thing bothers me and I feel like I can't open my mouth to you anymore. My insecurities are at it's HIGHEST. And it's killing me =/

"We don't look for love because it sucks to be alone watching movies or because it's nice to cuddle up with someone on rainy days..we look for love because we want to be forgiven..for the mistakes we make. Love is an act of forgiveness, that for all our imperfections, we are accepted and forgiven no matter how hurtful our mistakes are."

The Greatest Irony of Love:

Loving the right person at the wrong time,
Having the wrong person when the time is right,
And finding out you love someone right after
That person walks out of your life.

And sometimes, you think you're already over a person,
Until you see them smile at you again,
You'll suddenly realize that you're really not.

For some, they think that letting go is one way
Of expressing how much you love the person,
By sacrificing your happiness for theirs,
Without realizing that the other person's
Doing the same thing for them.

Most relationships tend to fail
Not because of the absence of love;
Love is always present,
It's just that one is being loved too much
And the other was being loved too little.

We always fall in love with the person we think we love,
Only to discover that what we loved about them fades.
Bad experiences are always remembered,
But it's the wonderful memories that are captured
To remind us that there are brighter days ahead
And that happiness exists.

You need to learn to let go when you're hurting too much,
Realize that sometimes love just isn't enough
And accept the fact that things aren't always gonna be the same.

There is someone out there who will love you more.
It's all the thought you put into your decisions
That impairs your judgement
When your heart already knows what you need to do.

Listen to your heart. Even though it's on the left side, it's always right.


I think this is the worst I've ever gotten hurt from you. My feelings are so confused. I'm hoping whatever happens, I can get over you this time. Let go and move on. I've waited almost 2 years to see you change into the perfect guy I've always wanted, but now I feel our relationship was based on lies. I guess you aren't the guy I thought and wished you were. And I truely think your better off with the life you were living behind my back. Now I really see why people say I deserve better. It's just that I feel stupid for believing your different from the rest of guys out there, because I really thought you were. You don't know how stupid you made me look. I don't know what I was doing wrong for you to go and do that without even thinking about me. I'm sorry if I hurt you with the words I said. I felt you deserved it and I hope you got hurt. Really hurt. I want you to realize what you put me through so it goes in your fuckin head. I don't know what I have to do to make you just love me whole-heartedly. Maybe our time is up finally. I regret so many things. I can't believe I sticked with you after all those times you hurt me so bad. And I can't even believe I can get so hurt by a boy. I can't believe I believed the stuff you said to me. I've never felt like this before, ever. I loved you with everything I got, everything I have. I guess I don't make you happy then. I wish whatever happens is for the best. Maybe I can finally let go of you and live my life knowing there's someone better out there waiting for me to come along so they can treat me the way I deserve to be treated. I hope you really learn from this and not break anymore hearts. Be the man your lady is proud of and shows off. Stop rolling with the crowd and be different. It will make you stand out and have a title. You choose how people want to recognize you as. Don't be just another guy who plays around thinking you can do whatever you want. Grow up and stop thinking about yourself. If you want to have the responsibility of calling someone your own, SHOW IT. PROVE IT. It can't just be shown by one person. That's why your IN A RELATIONSHIP where it involves 2 people. Not just you. I hope all this goes in your head and stays there. Because I do want you to be different. But your the one who chooses what and who you want to be. I'll leave you with the decision because you know I been down for you since day one. I love you so much that I sacraficed so many things for you. I went out my way and loved and cared for you. Your the one I've always wanted and you should already know that by now. Never once did I thought about another guy. The only guy in the picture was you. And everyone knew that. I don't know what else you want from me because I've given everything I have just to make you happy. And I have so much feelings for you. Your the only boy I have ever had feelings for. And your the one choosing if you want that to stay in me or leave. And I still think and know you do have potential to be unique. Just know I'm always down for you but only if you let it and want it to be reciprocal. Please, really think about it. Because I don't want to be in it still if your gonna be doing all those. Especially since you don't like telling me things for some reason. I'll leave it at this: I love you so much but if you don't want me to, I'll stop.

Hurt again.

Here we go again. I found out the truth finally, and it's actually coming from you. I don't know what I did to you for you to go and do all those. Maybe I'm doing something wrong? I never felt so hurt by you telling me what you did. I guess it was better for me to let everything out than hold my insecurities in. Because now I know the truth and the real you. Your just like other guys. Everything you say is all BS to me. I'm sorry if I'm being harsh. But you get what you deserve. You reap what you sow. Just realize I loved you with everything I got. Not once did ever think about hurting you. Not once did I ever think about losing your trust. Sometimes I wonder why you do the things you do. I'm sorry for everything I put you through. March 2, 2007 - September 29, 2008 November 2, 2008 - January 2, 2009

22.

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they go right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart, so that better things can fall together."


I just read something I didn't want to read. After I read it, my eyes became watery and the feelings I had during that one month came rushing in me. It scared me.

PS. Happy 22 Months. I love you.